Relationship or a Relation-Slip

Have you ever thought of the fact that other than perishable goods, contracts n many more materialistic things existing in this world, what has an Expiry Date????

Relationships!!!!!! is the answer.

In the past four years many of my friends have broken up with their partners, and the stark fact is that no reconciliation is possible. Chalo never mind they broke up but still there is always an anxiety to know more.

Now the classification goes like this ….. some were called the “Fevicol ka Joda”, some hyperactive ones were phrased as “Eew!! Go get a room, folks!!”, some “laila majnu”….. n the list continues …. But there was always one group to which I proudly belonged was the STD (don’t rake ur brains it is the phone wala) group.

Believe it or not all couples are very happy until the STD group starts to budge in between because of low balance in their phone or an end sem coming up at their hottie’s end. This is the time when things begin to change between the successful couples in college.. Also when your friend starts bugging you with all the cheap description of his girl and those mushy talks about his so called LOVE!!.... u know it’s time to take action in the goodwill of engineering students.

We inject the MC attitude or to say it in a sober manner “chalta hai” attitude into our good friends so that they can spend time with us …… and once this is done …we don’t miss a chance to crack all those sleazy jokes about the bitch he has been happily screwing all day long.

Even if the girl is all that normal types with good bust n figure, with her face the only problem ….(hot favorites in an Engineering college) … we cant stand it!!! and make our friend realize that what a big mess he was in. Thus we end up deciding an expiry date for his relation to slip off. While boozing, having chai, normal conversations and any other public place we are in, he has to sustain the atrocities of the weird & unholy signs we make by twisting our fingers, palms, hand or any part of the body describing how he would do his girl….. ….. the bottom line is that it should look obscene and scare the hell out of him.

Once the hatred and disgust cycle has been initiated … that bloody friend of yours who has been dating starts looking for a new chick and tries to get the max out of his old gal in minimum time (I hope u know what getting max out of a gal means… ). This is the time rascals in the STD group turn into GOD’s with all the suggestions in the world at their finger tips and ready to execute plans.

STD1 : Yaar wo ATM ke pass le jana mast gali hai wahan andhera rehta hai … after 7 p.m.

STD 2 : nahin yaar wo to bekar hai jahan naye hostel ka construction chal raha hai na wo best hai

STD 3 : kya yaar library se achi koi jagah nahin … afternoon 1 p.m to 2:30 p.m

STD 4 : itna kya load le raha hai be …. Hotel book karwa le … tourism wala …

STD 5 : Kashi le jaa yaar wahan mast saste mein ho jaega sab kuch ….

Tch !! tch!!! …. Come on guys ur friend was also a member of the STD group before his lucky stars struck a reasonably good deal for him. How can u expect him to take such bold steps???
The next day he comes n tell us that, “ chhod yaar MC, agli wali ke saath try marunga … yeh vaise bhi bekar hi thi…. :P”.

Mark the date and time of the above statement….. this is the Expiry date of his Relation-slip.
The bottom line is that we have the luxury of picking our partners from a staggering choice of people we meet. We might get carried away by that influence which could have been good or bad …. But before anything happens to you …. The STD’s are there to save ur ass.

STD Group rules…!!!!! |:D |:D \m/

Big Mistake .. A Rural Intercourse

VANA-KKAM (Do u really wanna come/cum) ... :P

Vanakkam – Hi (salutation used in Tamil)

Lungi – A traditional garment worn around the waist by men
Saapar – Food

These are the basic words u must know …. Now go ahead!!

South south south …. Oh My Fucking GOD!!! …. These ppl must have been last in the queue when GOD was distributing skin. He started from North with shiny complexion and gave them all stars to lighten up and by the time he reached these guys he was left with only Black Holes!! … “oopsie … okey-dokey” …. GOD said, u ppl can manage, I know …

Now that we know how they came into existence it is pretty exciting to know more about them.
My very first day in south was the biggest ordeal in my life.

I was dead hungry early in the morning, so I decided to go to a restaurant. I asked for a Menu card, that bugger started smiling back at me. I said what!!! get me the menu, he said ok. Man!! that was the most mysterious menu I had ever seen, all written in tamil with only the price in numbers. I was totally pissed off by this time. Finally had some idli vada n dosa with sambhar n their special coffee (you will hear it as “kaaaffiiii”) and set off.

I went to the bus stand only to find some alien language which had more curves than Shakira has …. :P. The stand was flooded with posters of Rajnikant’s recent movie “Endhiran”. Piece of advice - people here are very emotional about Rajni because of all the jokes that we crack n the action sequences that not even Arnold is capable of, so be it.

Finding a bus to my destination was like next to impossible for me. The dialogues go like this:

Me : Which bus will go to Poornamaravathi?
SI : That!!!
Me : Which one ?
SI : ok ok !!
Me : that blue one ??
SI : ok ok no problem…..
Me : kya bhasad hai yaar ….. L MC bhagwan ka naam lo aur chad jao bus mein!!!

After this stupid conversation I got to the right bus. I took a window seat for myself so that I could avoid the overdose of fragrance of fresh jasmine flowers which were clinging to each & every lady’s curly hairs. These ladies here r so finicky that come what may their gajra should not get displaced, and keep adjusting it as if to say they were some sort of undies which needed tweaks every now and then.

Now enters the Nightmare – Lungi Dhari people. It seems they came out of the womb adjusting their lungis. So over obsessed, is this part of india with lungis that they even have accessories to keep it in place. I saw a hawker selling belts specially designed to hold lungi on to the waist ……. and wait for it!! …. Therez a better version of these belts which have a sort of small wallet with clip buttons … n they r costly …. Probably 5 bucks extra …

Moreover, they also fold it to half of it’s length so that it turns into a mini skirt and they can be more airy (bloody perverts) …. n they have a very particular style … it’s hilarious… trust me on this. With all this going around I felt like an outcast… n why shouldn’t’ I, I was ahead of them in GOD’s list. The awesome scenery with only coconut trees and a pleasant weather the driver to piss me off again puts on the tamil rock music … n am busted the moment it started…. With bad speakers, that shrill shitty sound was worse than a euro trash videogame music. Still had to travel for another hour. Saw people saying vanakkam to each other.

I forgot to tell you the history behind their salutation VANAKKAM.

As far as I know vanakkam is a English phrase : Wanna Cumm!!

Over the years GOD has been harsh on them it’s been hot here, no chicks to fuck around, all black and black beauties around… so in their frustration they have decided to ask any & everybody at any time of the day to cum for them …..

Now comes the lunch and dinner part, an absolute disaster I must say. They are very much responsible for global warming for the banana leaves they have been cutting over the years n eating on them n doing what not on them…. Screw them yaar …. It’s heights of bad hygiene.
Chalo any how they call it sampar. U enter a restro and they keep buzzing around you …. chirping … Sampar!! Sampar!! Sampar!!. I was a novice at this so I ordered for one. First banana leaf… then came the RICE …. The staple diet without which they cannot survive. Guess the quantity of rice was such that my neighbours could also eat in the same plate. Then they kept pouring sambhar rasam n some other 3- 4 types of flavoured water onto my rice. Then when I refused for the second serving, they were like …. What yaar … what yaar have some more….
Same is the case with dinner. Bottom line is that eating in rural south is all about rice sambhar idli dosa, That’s it ….

This was all for now ….. have lots more to tell about my fucking rural instincts!!!!